First component of love: fulfillment (the other side of neediness), the simple happiness of being with the loved one, the feeling of calm when the loved one laughs, sleps, thinks, the incomparable happiness of simply being in each other’s arms.
Second component: the joy of giving (the other side of guilt), feeling happy because we make others happy, saying to ourselves that with us the loved one has experienced joys they would not have experienced without us, that we have brought new light into their life, in the same way they have brought new light into ours.
Third component: gratitude (the other side of anger), being amazed by what we owe the loved one, the joy they have given us, the way they have helped us mature, the way they have been able to comfort and understand us, and share our pleasures and sorrows.
Fourth component: self-confidence (the other side of low self-esteem), feeling happy to be who we are simply because the loved one loves us for who we are, with all our strengths and weaknesses. Despite our ordeals and setbacks, the criticism of others, and the cruelty of life, feeling a measure of self-confidence thanks to what really matters to us: being loved by the loved one.
Fifth component: serenity (the other side of fear), knowing that, despond de life’s ups and downs and its inevitable tragic end, the loved one will be with us on this journey. The tests of time, illness, all o this will be bearable with the loved one by our side, for better or for worse, in happiness as in adversity.
Hector and the secrets of love - Francois Lelord