luni, 21 martie 2011

Tu in ce crezi?

Inca ma mai amuza sincronicitatile si momentele in care descoperi ca esti pe aceeasi lungime de unda a aceleiasi idei, chiar daca in pozitii diferite.

Citind un articol scris de o buna si draga prietena ( mi-am adus aminte de jocurile copilariei, cand alegam ca dementii, jucand leapsa sau prinsea, cand ne aruncam provocari de la unii la altii si ne "spargeam in figuri" cine le indeplineste mai bine, mai frumos sau mai original.

Cuprinsa de provocarea jocului si sub impactul unei starii reflexive am inceput sa ma gandesc serios la intrebarea ... "eu in ce cred?" ...

Cred ca...
... fiecare moment e unic, special si deosebit si depinde doar de mine sa-i vad si sa-i descopar frumusetea
... fiecare om care apare in viata mea, apare cu un scop bine definit, chiar daca nu este intotdeauna evident
... in fiecare clipa, fiecare dintre noi da tot ceea ce are mai bun in acel moment si context
... orice inima se deschide cand este intampinata cu iubire
... fiecare om este exceptional si are un potential extraodinar, care uneori asteapta sa fie descoperit si pus in valoare
... este necesar (si recomandat) sa respect ritmul de deschidere, de invatare si evolutie al oamenilor din jurul meu

Mai cred ca ...
... orice e posibil, atat timp cat stii ce vreau
... nu exista nu pot, ci doar nu vreau / nu vreau suficient de mult
... visele devin realitate
... totul se intampla cu un motiv si in orice experienta se afla o lectie
... uneori tacerea vorbeste mult graitor decat o lunga insiruire de cuvinte
... este in regula sa lasi oamenii sa te vada dincolo de mastile sociale pe care le porti, fara sa-ti fie teama ca o sa te judece, o sa te iubeasca mai putin sau o sa te respinga
... este necesar sa-ti urmezi inima oricand de inconstiente si irationale sunt mesajele pe care ti le transmite si actiunile la care te indeamna
... exista dragoste la prima vedere (chiar daca uneori este constientizata la a n-a vedere)
... lucrurile se intampla atunci cand esti pregatit sa se intample
... nu cunosc cu adevarat o persoana pana ce nu i-ai vazut si partea intunecata, fricile, temerile si neincrederile, monstrii si dragonii interiori

Si mai cred ca ...
... intr-o zi toti oamenii vor zambi
... inimile sunt din ce in ce mai pline de iubire si mai putin de teama si neincredere
... cel mai frumos si mai pretios dar pe care il poti primi este prietenia, increderea, deschiderea si dragostea unei alte persoane
... pentru fiecare exista un print frumos sau o printesa pe care il/o va intalni la momentul potrivit
... doua inimi ce au batut la un moment dat in acelasi ritm, se vor recunoaste si se vor intampina cu un zambet chiar si dupa trecerea anilor
... timpul vindeca toate ranile, iertarea le cicatrizeaza iar dragostea vindeca cicatricile
... am nevoie de integritate ca fundament in felul de a fi pentru a-mi indeplini visele, telurilor si obiectivele

Cred in libertatea spiritului, in autenticitatea manifestarii, in dragoste neconditionata si respectul simtirii!!! Si astfel fiecare zi imi este una magica si deosebita, o aventura in calatoria descoperirilor!!!

The components of love

First component of love: fulfillment (the other side of neediness), the simple happiness of being with the loved one, the feeling of calm when the loved one laughs, sleps, thinks, the incomparable happiness of simply being in each other’s arms.

Second component: the joy of giving (the other side of guilt), feeling happy because we make others happy, saying to ourselves that with us the loved one has experienced joys they would not have experienced without us, that we have brought new light into their life, in the same way they have brought new light into ours.

Third component: gratitude (the other side of anger), being amazed by what we owe the loved one, the joy they have given us, the way they have helped us mature, the way they have been able to comfort and understand us, and share our pleasures and sorrows.

Fourth component: self-confidence (the other side of low self-esteem), feeling happy to be who we are simply because the loved one loves us for who we are, with all our strengths and weaknesses. Despite our ordeals and setbacks, the criticism of others, and the cruelty of life, feeling a measure of self-confidence thanks to what really matters to us: being loved by the loved one.

Fifth component: serenity (the other side of fear), knowing that, despond de life’s ups and downs and its inevitable tragic end, the loved one will be with us on this journey. The tests of time, illness, all o this will be bearable with the loved one by our side, for better or for worse, in happiness as in adversity.

Hector and the secrets of love - Francois Lelord

joi, 17 martie 2011

The fifth component of Heartache

The fifth component of heartache is fear. Fear of eternal emptiness. The feeling that the rest of your life it will be devoid of emotion now that you have lost the loved one’s companionship. You realize that events or experiences which before would have moved, thrilled or saddened you now leave you cold. You have the impression that since the loved one left you, you no longer really feel anything. This is when you being worrying about the fifth component. You wonder whether this numbing of your senses might be permanent. Naturally, you will go on working, meeting new people, experiencing new things and having affairs. You might even marry someone who is in love with you, but all this will only vaguely interest you – like those television programmes we watch because we are too lazy to decide to do something else. Your life may still be varied, but it will interest you about as much as a variety show, that’s to say very little. And still you will have to endure every dull moment of it, day in day out.

By now, of course, the other components of heartache will gradually have faded: you will no longer feel you need the other, just as a drug addicts who haven’t used for a long time no longer need their drug. Sometimes, a place, a tune, a scent will stir the memory of the loved ones, you will feel a sudden rush of neediness and your friends will notice a momentary lapse in your concentration. They will have the impression from looking at your face that you are passing through an invisible cloud.

Some people will understand and quickly try to distract you or lead you away, in the same way that you avoid leaving a recovering alcoholic in front of a bar for too long. In fact, you will became like those alcoholics who manage to overcome their addiction by drinking only water, but who confess that their lives were more intense, more colorful, more fun when alcohol was their companion. You may confess to being bored with your life now, an the truth is sometimes you will make quite dull company, while still being peasant enough.

The fifth component’s only advantage is that it will enable you to deal more calmly with life’s everyday adversities and upsets, like a sailor who has braved the Roaring Forties and keeps his cool in a squall that would make other men tremble. So that is one reassuring thought, which you will be at pains to cultivate: what happened between you and the loved one will eventually have made you a stronger and calmer, and you will even end up believing ib the value of this calmness, achieved at great costs, until the moment when a place, a tune, a scent….

Hector and the secrets of love – Francois Lelord

miercuri, 16 martie 2011

The fourth component of Heartache

The fourth component of Heartache is loss of self-esteem. The departure of of the loved one is a huge blow to your self-esteem, because does it not show that once people get to know you, you lose your attractiveness? After a few weeks or months or years with you it is inevitable that the loved one, an exceptional being, would end up discovering and being revolted by your mediocrity, which you only managed to disguise long enough to seduce them, and which only their inexperience prevented them from detecting. Now that you find yourself without them, all your old inadequacies – physical, moral, intellectual and social – which you were able o forget or to put into perspective, now seem like insurmountable weaknesses.

Evidently, such shortcomings condemn you to a life of perpetual solitude, or to accepting second best and mourning the loved one forever (At this point in yur reflections, beware of being assailed by the first and second components). The love you experienced with the love one was a stroke of luck that you didn’t deserve and that you were unable to make last anyway, a paradise you were only granted access to because the loved one was overly generous towards you. You enjoyed a smug sense of superiority so long you didn’t leave your mediocre world, like a big fish in a small pond, but your pursuit of the loved one led you out into the open sea of sentiment, where only the very best can hope to survive. The unbearable pain you feel now is only just atonement for you inadequacy combined with you vanity.

Hector and the secrets of love – Francois Lelord

luni, 14 martie 2011

The third component of Heartache

The third component of heartache is anger. Unlike the second component, where we blame ourselves and all our faults for driven the loved one away, this time it is the object of our love whom we blame for having behaved shamefully towards us. The person who has jilted us no longer seems to glow with boundless beauty of goodness, but appears on the contrary as a cruel, shallow, ungrateful being, in a word, a bitch, or a complete bastard, whom we like to see, not as before in order to declare our undying love and true remorse, but in order to unleash the full force of our wrath.

The third component manifests itself, then, in the form of painful fits of suppressed rage stirred by memories of all the loved one’s failings, which take place most often in the final weeks before they leave. They break off contact for several days despite promising to stay in touch. With hindsight, there have been several indication that, before leaving us for good, they have been seeing someone else for an unknown period of time, the duration of which we will seek to discover with the doggedness of a paleontologist attempting to date a dinosaur’s jawbone. Shortly before withdrawing from us, they assure us tenderly that they love us. If they’ve lied to us, it shows how shamefully deceitful they are; if they meant what they had said, then they’re shallow, fickle and irresponsible.

This resentment can became so intense it burst out: we begin talking to ourselves, reproaching the loved one as though they were present, imagining them trembling, crying or begging for forgiveness when confronted with our righteous anger. One step further and we start leaving accusatory messages on the loved one’s answering machine and voicemail, or writing them letters venting our anger in words aimed at hurting them in the same way as we have been hurt.

These attempts at revenge are ill advised because after the email has been sent or letter posted, we might suffer another unexpected attack of the second component (guilty brooding over our own past failings), which will be made all the more powerful by the sudden realization that what we have just done is irreversible and renders impossible the return of the loved one, which, despite all signs to the contrary, is what we are still hoping for.

Hector and the secrets of love – Francois Lelord

The second component of Heartache

The second component of what is commonly referred to as heartache is guilt. We blame ourselves for the loss of the loved one, and regret everything we did and said that might have contributed to the waning of love. Especially painful are memories of our insensitivity, neglect or even unkindness towards the loved one, who seems to us with hindsight to have been remarkably generous in loving us despite our shortcomings. This self-criticism invariably takes the form of questions we put to ourselves: ‘How could I have been so neglectful when he (or she) needed my help? How could I have been irritable with him (or her) when all they are doing was trying to put me in a good mood? Why I stupidly flirt with someone else when I knew it would make them suffer? Why did I let that idiot chase them without doing anything, as though I were so sure of myself or, on the contrary, so unsure? How could I have refused to respond to their references to our future together when at the time that was what they were dreaming of and all they wanted was to love me?’

During this reminiscences, the loved one appears as a shining example of tenderness, honesty and generosity towards us, while we reveal ourselves to be neglectful, selfish and indifferent to our lover’s happiness. These guilt-ridden thoughts can prompt us to write long letters full of remorse and promises of our undying love to the loved one. Writing these letters brings us great comfort, but it is brief, all the more so because the loved one doesn’t usually reply.

Hector and the secrets of love – Francois Lelord