The fourth component of Heartache is loss of self-esteem. The departure of of the loved one is a huge blow to your self-esteem, because does it not show that once people get to know you, you lose your attractiveness? After a few weeks or months or years with you it is inevitable that the loved one, an exceptional being, would end up discovering and being revolted by your mediocrity, which you only managed to disguise long enough to seduce them, and which only their inexperience prevented them from detecting. Now that you find yourself without them, all your old inadequacies – physical, moral, intellectual and social – which you were able o forget or to put into perspective, now seem like insurmountable weaknesses.
Evidently, such shortcomings condemn you to a life of perpetual solitude, or to accepting second best and mourning the loved one forever (At this point in yur reflections, beware of being assailed by the first and second components). The love you experienced with the love one was a stroke of luck that you didn’t deserve and that you were unable to make last anyway, a paradise you were only granted access to because the loved one was overly generous towards you. You enjoyed a smug sense of superiority so long you didn’t leave your mediocre world, like a big fish in a small pond, but your pursuit of the loved one led you out into the open sea of sentiment, where only the very best can hope to survive. The unbearable pain you feel now is only just atonement for you inadequacy combined with you vanity.
Hector and the secrets of love – Francois Lelord